I was just smoking at the back door and thinking about this.

I think porn is the most honest commodity on the internet out there today.

Why? What you see is what you get. Or rather, you want to see some movies and pictures, you sign up, you get the movies and pictures. Full stop (period). You can cancel at any time, you can complain to your CC company if you are ripped off (chargebacks) and generally you paid for a royal wank, although you have to get your own condoms.

Mainstream… what a bunch of fucking shite

What you see is definitely NOT what you get.

Gambling systems… NO SUCH THING.

Weight loss… even doctors don’t know how nutrition affects the body, but there are a million quack websites out there promising to do more for your health than your GP.

Pills… there’s a pill for everything out there these days, but they still can’t cure athlete’s foot or the common cold.

Get rich quick… yeah, make the guy selling rich first before reading his ebook and realizing the only way to get rich is to sell your own ebook to the gullible…

Tangible products… yeah yeah, lots of good priced internet shops out there, but the price comparison websites and “review” sites don’t really give a shit about them, they are not fans, they just want your referral fee.

But what about cross sells and email sign ups, and reviews sites stealing signups, but this is the “dodgy” side of porn, for which there is an equal method in all mainstream methods too.

For example, the FSA (in the UK) regulates financial institutions, America has it’s equivalent I’m sure… but it doesn’t stop fraud, embezzlement, back handers…

Speaking of cross sells, who has ever bought a mobile phone and then got billed for $5 for monthly insurance that they didn’t even ask for?

So that is that particular argument “neutralized”.

And walking into an electronics store and buying a brand new HD Ready TV, and being sold a SCART lead (nope, need an HDMI cable motherfuckers, SCART doesn’t carry the signal).

And the SCART lead has to be one of those copper/gold $45 jobbies, because the salesman doesn’t want to take a hit and sell you the $15 one, on the promise that the image quality won’t be good enough, and that is despite the fact that you haven’t got the hardware to even get the benefits anyways…

Yeah, so stick to porn… You know what you’re getting!

PREMIUM PORN

Oh yes, it most certainly is. I conducted a survey, by taking a look around me, now if that aint official I don’t know what is. Anyways, porn, rather than being the destroyer of love, the enemy of the relationship, can actually SAVE your marriage, SAVE your relationship and PROTECT your offspring from having a broken home… Here’s how it works:

Culture. Humans adopted culture at some point along the evolutionary scale. Humans are the only species to have adopted culture, although some species show signs of primitive culture, but we won’t get into that. Culture is the reason that a beautiful fat woman can be revered in one country, but despised in another. Culture is what WE CREATE all around us. It is wearing a suit and tie, as opposed to wearing a funny dressing gown thing with a turban or something. Culture is MONOGAMY. Or rather, monogamy is an expression of culture.

Monogamy means taking only ONE woman or man to be your husband or wife. Everyone else does it, so we do it to. It is not accepted CULTURALLY to be a cheat, to be bigomous or to commit adultery. (Ok, I’m excluding the countries where having a harem of wives is the perfect norm, provided you can afford to keep them).

So why didn’t anyone tell my dick ???

Aha, so now we see culture is clashing with the genes inherent in each and every one of us. Sure, we’ve all had a relationship where for the first year or two you can only think of your new love, your beloved soulmate that you solemnly swear will be by your side forever. But then it happens. One day you are walking down the street, and a cute girl (or guy) bends over and you catch a glimpse of her hot, pert ass and maybe even a flash of pantie. DAMN I’d like a go on that you think. NO. WAIT. What have I done? I’m with my beloved, why am I having thoughts like this? Don’t worry, dear friend, you are not alone. Private thoughts like this abound. Just let it out, be healthy, it’s your GENES talking to you. Your genes “want” to spread you see. The best way a GENE can get itself spread throughout evolution is to make you get a hard on whenever an attractive woman is within reach.

But we have come a long way since prehistoric cavemen times, whereby bashing a hot girlie over the head and dragging her to a cave to make babies is perfectly acceptable. Oh yes, we’ve come on a long way. We are civilized. We start families. We commit to one partner. BUT WE STILL GET HARD ONS (and wet pussies).

If we give in to our hard ons, we cause all kinds of problems. Broken relationships, broken homes, fatherless children, reputation, spreading sexual diseases, unwanted pregnancies… to name but a few. So we cover up all the exteral lust and pretend to be happily married boys and girls. And we are to a large extent, everything is perfect… except that need to copulate with as many other humans as we can until we die.

Porn To The Rescue.

So, we build up anxiety, we feel we are missing out, we resign ourselves to a life of housework, fixing the car and even in extreme cases going to dance classes *shudder*

It needn’t be this way. Watch porn! Knock one out. Have a jerk off. Use the internet to investigate all kinds of pussy, cock, ass, tits, you name it, play the field, live a little, get your quota of coochie through the screen in front of you! Join the interwebs and jack off. You can be casanova. You can fuck em all.

Internet porn is like safe sex. You don’t bring home diseases, you don’t give birth to unwanted offspring. If you get caught, you are offered “help” instead of divorce.

It’s the perfect solution! Find your favorite site, become a member, and then once a week get a little jiggy with Mr Biggy. Girls, find some cock, rub your nub until you can’t rub it no more.

It will save your marriage, your relationship, you didn’t cheat, you won’t get ill… Perfect. Porn can save the world. FACT.

So, to get started, here is a link to the number one Women of Playboy (clickme). Men can sleep around there from the comfort of their own office, and women can explore their lesbian side.

And what the fuck does it have to do with Porn? The world has gone Twitter mad! I joined Twitter a couple years ago, put out a tweet, and then promptly forgot all about it.

Seemed like a giant waste of time to me. And then, lo and behold, roll on a couple years and everybody seems to be doing the tweeter dance. Everybody seems to want to get on Twitter. If you want to waste a day tweeting everybody and watching tweets, then go for it. Not. My. Cup. Of. Tea.

How can a business use this service to promote its shit? Well, get a bunch of loyal followers and get your messages to appear on the front page I guess. Stick some links in, and hey presto, visitors.

Except they forgot one thing. Everybody will be so busy fucking twittering here and twittering there that they won’t ever get to your site because they are too busy adding friends and following people.

I know a porn guy who twitters.

Footman is his name, and posting messages about feet is his game. See, he’s got a foot fetish I guess. But what does a foot fetishist have to Twitter on about? What color socks is he wearing today? How smelly are his feet this week? He saw some hot feet in the shopping mall last week?

Puleeeease. I’ll leave that one up to you guy. Hell, you can even have some photographs of my feet if ya like. For free, honest, I’m generous like that.

One more thing before I go. Someone who supposedly does porn blogging hasn’t updated their kinky blog in a while. So, if you see this post, click the link I just posted there. It will send them a little message that lets them know you care, and they may just get writing again.

Bye.

Ok, I just wanna give ya’ll a little update on what is happening at pornsite headquarters, the place where all teh evilous porn webmasters congregate and discuss how we are gonna take over the world and subvert governments with TITTIES! And perhaps some PUSSY too!

Alright, I confess, not that much exciting has happened. Until that is sexy geek girl athena hollow, Nymphomaniac and computer geek sex goddess extraordinaire, decided to sell her Wii. Nintendo Wii that is. Dirty boy! If you read that as the other kind of “wee” then shame on you!

Now, rumor has it that she will autograph it to go along with the sale. Not only that, but I have some insider information. Apparantly she used to play it naked. Very naked. So naked in fact, that the Wiimote controller actually found it’s way into allsorts of nooks and cranny’s. Not the intended use by the designers, but she sure was smiling the morning after.

So if you fancy having a bid (and I’m sorry, I DID try and get her to include a pair of panties, but she wouldn’t play ball) then check out the sexy Wii sale here.

Whilst we are on the more unusal side of porno happenings, did you ever imagine little green men in your pornographic fantasies?

No, neither did I. Funny that.

Well, I say little green men, but apparantly they are “hot green chicks”. Yeah right, that makes it loooads better. I think it’s this thing called Sci Fi porn (people getting all excited about the new Star Trek movie no doubt) but REVTK over at Explicit Planet decided it was exciting enough to warrant a mention. Come to think of it, he doesn’t often post chicks of his missus who is supposedly into all this bondage and lifestyle stuff… you don’t think she is actually a Martian do you? You know, keeps her off camera and all to hisself because she is actually green.

Well fair play to you REVTK, if little greenies in skirts gets you off, I salute you sir. Just stay away from me you freak.

Only kidding mate… or am I?

Laters peeps.

The Wolf. Once the bane of prehistoric man’s life. The wolf symbolises the predator that man once fled from in terror, the howl of a hungry wolf late at night would send shivers down the spine of the weary traveller on the lowly mountain road.

Then man invented shotguns. Nowadays, the only kind of predatory wolf you are likely to meet is on the internet, a self styled bad ass with a gangsta name BadWolf. Yeah, he’s baaad.

He really is bad. He got himself banned from an internet board and set up his own. But I’m not saying which order he did this in. And now he only has to fear the lawyers. But this wolf has a bite and will be looking to snag some lawyer trouser pants. Oh, these lawyers are imaginary by the way, scare stories. See? Man used to be scared of the wolf, and stories were made up about the wolf. Nowadays it is stories about lawyers that are made up to try and scare the wolf. Geddit?

By the way, if anyone knows what “wolf porn” is, then please go and fill him in.

I also want to introduce a new suspect ghey into the mix. This one was pretty low on the radar, but has recently come out of the closet and publically proclaimed that he doesn’t like babes. Figures. Read the post here.

Hardcoreblogger is a good mate of mine, ya see, but I had no idea that he didn’t like pussy. Well HCB, if ya ever wanna chat about your feelings, you know where you can find me. Just don’t get all touchy feely, ok? And if you get horny, then I’ll slip ya flips mobile number, he’s always up for some naughty all male banter.

I consider myself quite a charitable fellow. So much so, that I will go out of my way to help friends and family with their problems. In the recent past, I was approached by the worried family of an esteemed colleague as to what I think about their son’s sexuality, and if I had noticed anything strange about their behaviour.

As you can imagine, they were very concerned. And as I was soon to realize, so am I. You see, FLIPS Mom contacted me with some disturbing news about his development as a teenager, and wondered if it could have contributed to his sexual tastes and general strangness now that he is a fully fledged adult (actually, I think he is around 40 now, so this WAS a while ago, I admit).

The story is thus: Once upon a time, when flip was still in High School, he managed to land a leading part in the school Play. The theme of the Play was (Super Heroes) and Flip got himself the top schoolboy dream part of Spiderman. Great, you might think, who wouldn’t want to play Spiderman? Well… as time went on, and the date of the Play grew nearer and nearer, Flip spent increasing amounts of time locked away in his bedroom “practising” for his role.

His parents saw less and less of him, in fact he was arguably developing serious anti-social tendencies. They became so concerned about his changes in behaviour and even avoidances of meal-times that they decided they had to hide a camera in his bedroom, behind his floor-to-ceiling mirror, to find out just exactly what was going on.

I am sorry my friends, I feel there is only one conclusion that can be drawn from the shcok footage… BUT, just in case I am wrong, here is the video footage that his Mom asked me to look at. Be warned, it is NOT for the faint -hearted…

CLICK HERE TO VIEW AND DECIDE FOR YOURSELF

I know, I know, it’s shocking. One of the great bloggers of our time has fallen to “the other side”. He has hidden it well, but the astute among us saw the signs all along…

I Am The Walrus

Webmaster Food And The Homophobic Cockmuncher

SOMEONE let the cat out of the bag! They don’t even realize, as far as I can tell, but they might just as well wear their perversions on their sleeves! So it’s true, I AM on a mission to expose the full gheyness of fellow brit Flip, but really, it’s all a bit of fun, right?

Well… imagine my surprise when fellow webmaster Walrus (he likes long tusks?) ON THE SAME DAY posts a little homophobic rant about myself and flip, and ALSO post his favorite CUM FILLED RECIPES!?!?!

Coincidence? I think not. More likely, he is harboring deeply disturbing homo erotic fantasies, that somehow involve myself, flip and lots of food. Filled with cum. The guy is sick. In fact, that’s enough about him, there are websites he can go to relieve the stresses on this one.

Are porn webmasters greedy? (apart from Walrus and his appetite for cum of course). It would appear so. Some more “normal” recipes have also surfaced in the past few days.

So get this. A hardcore sadistic Domme ready to make men cry and get all jiggy on their ass, posts about her favorite recipe for split pea soup! WHAT THE FUCK is that all about on a Domme blog? Is she going all soft and starting cooking for her subs and shit? Next thing you know she’ll be posting about knitting and crochet. Tsk. I’d be asking for my money back if I went along for a harsh spanking and all I got was a cookery course.

I’ll leave you with that for now. Bye.

When you are working in the porn industry, whatever your role may be, it can be a real eye opener. For instance, did you know just how many LADIES are badgering away creating porn sites left, right and center?

I bet you’ve all come across (ahem) sites that were apparantly written “by women” in the past… I bet you wanted to believe them, but secretly suspected it was a guy pretending to be a girl? Well, let me tell you… although this CAN happen, there is actually a surprising number of female webmasters out there, and they are just as perverted as the guys! Perhaps even more so. And I, of course, get to meet and network with them all.

And it seems not only are they alive and out there, they are hornier than ever.

Rofl’s fan club. Being the studly kinda guy I am, it’s not long before the powers of attraction draw them to me, and my mailbox starts to fill up with all kinds of wicked proposals. You’ve probably heard of TV personalities and Holywood A List stars getting photos, panties and graphic descriptions of what these horny housewives would like to do to them? IT IS HAPPENING TO ME. Let me introduce you to some of my “fans”

EXHIBIT A: ANA

Married Ana

She just couldn’t resist my internet charms. I find this provocatively posed picture in my inbox, and I won’t even go into what I received through the post! Suffice it to say… I LOVE THIS BIZ! Shame on you though Ana, what would your hubby say? Read what Ana has to say On Her Very Own Porn Blog.

EXHIBIT B: AUTUMN

Married Autumn

And this is the lovely autumn, showing what a bad girl she really is. It’s always the quiet “nice girls” your mother warned you about right? Well, noone knew she had those naughty piercings, so I opened my email one day to find this “fan photo” and a highly explicit and detailed “love letter” … I won’t even tell you what that girl wanted to do to me! I’m not even sure it’s legal. Not that I’m complaining of course, you can check out what she The Porn Enchantress has to say for yourself.

So, keep em coming ladies. It always makes my day to know that even though you are married, when the cat’s away… the mice will play !!

I just purchased some nice new content for some new sites I’m working on (YES, that is PORN sites, if ya didn’t get that then ya might wanna leave now) and in amongst that I got a fantastic selection of big boobed babes. Brilliant, I hear ya say, what can go wrong with big boobed babes?

Well I’m glad ya asked. Before I show you the offending picture, I want to give you some background. Just a little. “Natural Big Boobed Babes” it read. The description of the photoset that is. “Original Phorography” it continued. WOW that’s great, this really CAN’T go wrong, can it? So I get the zip file, open up the folder, take a look around the pics that I just parted with real hard cash for. Then this NATURAL and UNALTERED IN ANY WAY beauty caught my eye:

Real Bonefide Tits (cough cough)

Now tell me… What the FUCK is that all about? Look, I’ve been doing porn for years and everything, shit you probably owe me thanks for at least a dozen jerk offs you’ve had on the internet. But even a day one newbie numpty would know what the score is there. I tell you what it looks like. It looks like a fucking first grade class have been invited in to do their papier mache melons or something, and then some joker painted them pink. With nipples.

Christ, gimme a beer or something…